I
just cant write now-a-days.Its tough to put the thoughts on paper.I was reading
a book but couldnt read more than five pages again and again.I tried to write a
book instead.I did better.I wrote ten pages.Then i gave up.Life seems to move
in 10 second ads.The movie has just begun...
   “ What do people do when they dont know what to do?” I stare
out of the window on a hot summer evening and think to myself.I try to bide the
time,wait for the cool breeze to come in and conjure fresh ideation out of the
over-heated brain.I"m sweating.Do people know that they dont know what to do?

    I wake up from deep sleep.I shut my eyes hard.I want to
dream again.I"d rather do that than wake up to realize that the things in life
i really wanted to happen, never ever happened.Maybe, i"m just another
run-off-the-mill story and all the while i thought i was different.Does
everybody feel this way at some point of time, or maybe, i am different.I open
my eyes.
     I walk through the grocery market in a
bid to lighten the thoughts. I see hordes of people.I"m a part of the
crowd.Everybody exists...So do I. When can I stop existing and start living?
The questions keep coming."Fancy something fresh sir?" An old lady
holds out spring onions. "Bargain price, rupees 10.” The inflation"s
rising and so is the mercury.It isnt worthwhile shopping in broad daylight.
Maybe it isn’t worthwhile existing.
    Earlier,I felt hurt when I saw someone in
pain.This was quite a while ago though.I’ve become numb.How can you not feel
pain? How can you chose to live a life as if in a crammed up train with no air
to breathe,no space to move and then you cant do much about it but stand as you
are... cramped... broken... hurt. Yet, I feel numb.
   My thoughts keep running amok.The questions
don’t let me sleep.Everytime I’m pushed to my limits, the mind asks for some
more.Who made limits anyway? This whole thing might sound useless,nonsense.But
I sense I’ve changed.Not necessarily evolved. Or else what you are reading
might have been different.

  Each rising sun,each passing day, as I ask myself questions I"ve never
had the guts to ask myself before,I discover something more about me… something
I’ve never known before… something I’ve never realized... I"m a puzzle half
solved, and the clues keep changing.