It all began whilst flipping through the various TV channels on a rainy Sunday afternoon. I dropped anchor at a news channel I hadn’t seen in years...The national news showing a certain woman speaking in an inset and another one speaking with her hands. I smiled, giggled, laughed, cracked every idiotic morose joke I could think of, and finally set off from the news for the deaf n mute.
 
The next morning I woke up with a fever n tried every trick in the book to convince myself that I should report sick for office, but I thought the impact would be more if I showed up, and my boss would grant me leave for another day or two.
“Morning mam...” I spoke with a certain ruffled voice I couldn’t identify as mine.
“Morning. Whats wrong? Looking smart today... Date pe ja raha hain kya?”
“Thanks. No date mam. The weather’s really bad anyways.” I replied with a more roughened voice and a cough for special effects.
“Oh... you seem unwell.”
“I think its viral fever. Not been feeling well since yesterday.” This time the voice was effortlessly rough. A Marlon Brando sort of...
“You should’ve stayed home and taken rest.”
“Sunday, Monday, Tuesday...” I was trying to remember lines from The Godfather.
“Take some medications, warm water gargles, soup or hot milk with haldi and don’t forget steam inhalation. You’ll be fine in a day or two”

Fine.I got down to business as usual. Monday mornings are really hectic and require a lot of unnecessary talking. A few minutes later, I got an SMS saying that India had won their first gold at the Olympics. Elated,I ran towards my boss’s cabin. She was addressing a few people. I barged in. She looked bewildered. I held my hands up high in the air n said...
“Ah... grrrr ... eee.”  
What came out was just the air and something incomprehensible. Everybody watched on. Mam was slowly turning a faint red. I tried again after taking in a deep breath.
“Arr..brr..grr..eee.”
 A few giggled. I looked here n there n everywhere for help. The joy of winning gold was uncontainable and I just couldn’t let it out. Some people had already begun to guess what i was trying to say and i managed to shoot out my voice one last time ...
“G...Gold.”

That was the end of it. My voice was ‘gone with the gold’. I was ‘forced’ to take leave and the force was more from within. I came home early and tried to explain everything to mom. Unfortunately, she’s never played dumb-charades. Somehow I got her convinced that I wasn’t fooling around this time and she said...
““Take some medications, warm water gargles, hot milk with haldi and don’t forget steam inhalation. You’ll be fine in a day or two.”

I was put to rest. I spent half the time sleeping. Never imagined the pills could make one so drowsy.I couldn’t even remember what I dreamt of. When I woke up my brother was right by my side holding a gift-wrapped box.
“This is for you.”
I was overwhelmed with joy. Finally my brother was showing some signs of maturity n sense. What’s-in-the-box? I signalled with my hands. He smiled. I unwrapped it n his smile grew wider. I opened it and he chuckled...Bangles... he was down on the floor bursting with laughter. I couldn’t understand a thing. He explained with tears in his eyes...
“You’ve seen that movie Karma. Nutan’s mute but uses bangles to communicate.”

I’d hardly overcome the bangle incident when my best friend called up and I was in two minds to answer the call. Eventually I did, n he kept blabbering non-stop and realised I wasn’t speaking. Then he hurled abuses at me, called me a duffer-idiot-moron and hung up. I wished I hadn’t thrown the bangles. I sent him an SMS instantly and the moron called up again spoke. This time only to tell me that he was sending an SMS !

The next day my band members turned up,gifted me a slate and got jamming just to spruce me up a bit. I wanted to sing, hum a few tunes, add a bit to the chaos and at that time I really yearned to listen to my own voice. I got hold of some old recordings and was overjoyed. I could talk, I could sing! Nevermind if neighbours n my parents complained and closed their doors,windows and ears... sometimes even my band members had to!
 
A day later my aunt visited. I thanked God I couldn’t speak and hoped i’d turn deaf too.It was easy to avoid the ‘important questions’ about marriage,life before marriage, life after marriage,life without marriage.Infact she did have one more thing to say...  Warm water gargles, Hot milk with haldi and steam.James Watt where the hell’s ur engine? But by the time she could figure out that I was just mute,not deaf, I’d managed to sleep again.

Another day later,I saw a Doctor. He asked me to open my mouth,he pulled out my tongue and then I recited almost the whole alphabet tongue-tied ! I used to play that game in the second grade.And after all that torture imagine paying the fellow for doing what he did. No, I didn’t pay. (Ok.Pay Your doctors well.He was just a friend of mine.) So he asks me to get some tests done puts me on some pills and says I’m not allowed to speak for a few days. I can’t speak anyways!  

So I land up in another hospital where a beautiful lady sticks a needle into me and runs some tests. She also leads me to an enclosed room and ...puts me through a scanner.(Beautiful young docs don’t fall for mutes,u perverts.) After a horrible time following instructions from a machine,( I thought i was being transported to another world and would surely meet aliens once i opened the door) I emerge unscathed, albeit the pain in the hand through which they pushed the dye in.The cute doc gives me a sweet smile and i cant even thank her,let alone ask for a date.
So the verdict is out then... its a vocal cord paralysis.And its not as serious as it sounds!! Infact there’s no sound at all. I’ll hopefully be troubling my neighbours in a months time. Until then, i’m dating the slate n i’ll keep posting...